Go back?

So the old boss called and asked if I could join this month. Also invited me to the office picnic. Later I saw the ex-colleague, the one I fooled around with, let’s call him Beardo (for obvious reasons), had left me a text saying the chica who’d joined in my place vamoosed after just over a month of working there. I wasn’t completely surprised, in all honesty.

I had actually been thinking about going back, ’cause I’ve been losing my mind sitting at home and of course, I miss him like crazy.  I’m still undecided though. I’ve been trying to weigh the pros and cons, but haven’t come to a conclusive decision yet. I kind of need to have a talk with him so I get a feel of what’s what down at the office now, and mister hasn’t had the time to call me yet. Ugh!

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Catching up 2.0

Okay, so I did it again. I stayed away for an exact year as it turns out. Following the last catching up, I landed a job at a local ad agency in client servicing, but basically doing everything that was thrown at me from R&D, content development, proofreading, conceptualizing ads and event planning! Phew! In short, I was overworked and underpaid. 

But the job came with its perks. For one, the copywriter and I got it ocf, if you know what I mean. Well, actually I got to know him before he joined the place through a mutual friend and he was looking for a job, we had an opening. So that worked out. And that my beloved friends is the story of how I met my new fuckboy. 

Yep, he broke my heart from the first time we decided to meet by standing me up. And then continued to do that almost always for a whole year. 

We had a few good times, yeah. I’m still hoping things will work themselves out. That’s one reason I didn’t write on this blog ’cause I knew I’d start writing about him and then maybe that will jinx it. Yeah, I’m blind superstitious like that. Sue me!

Anywho, point is, this guy and I seem to have a connection. Ugh, I’ve said all that before but I can’t quite explain how this feels…like twin flames stuff.

And I’m back to being jobless by the by. Mum got ill couple of months back and I’ve had to give it up to nurse her. And this guy and I’ve drifted apart I feel. I mean he never made any effort before but we got to see each other everyday and we’d still call and text through the week. Now I barely hear from him. And it’s hard, especially with things being so overwhelming at home. I guess I saw it coming but chose to turn blind eye, eh¿

Maybe I’ll vent about and pine over him in my later posts, if I do write that is, else until next year! LOL!

Happy New Year, y’all!

Catching up

I’ve been away for quite long. Again. I have been swamped. Between finishing grad school and mum falling seriously ill, I’ve had a lot to juggle. I am glad however, that the darkest days are past me. Mum’s much better now, though she requires constant care. I, still am trying to land a decent job.

I got over Charming by the way. Turned out he was frog after all. A cowardly narcissistic asshole to be more apt. A fuckboy. It took me the better part of 2015 to flush him out of my system. Good riddance! 🙂

The best part about 2016 turned out to be me catching up on my reading. I read over thirty books. I know it’s not a big number for most of you. It is for me, however.

I have been thinking a lot about, well, a lot of stuff. Everything in my life’s haywire. And I feel like I’m drowning in quicksand. My family is beyond dysfunctional. My lovelife is non-existent. My career is not even taking off. And to top that off, I’m an empath surrounded by narcissists and sociopaths who are perpetually draining the little vigour I have left.

I had to write about it, seeing that no one cared enough to listen to me (Of course, PD, and AV lend an ear every so often; I am blessed for that). I don’t know how many of you still read my blog, but just typing this out makes me feel a load lighter 🙂

Ciao!

Date That Girl

Date the girl who keeps you in her prayers despite your atheism. Date the girl who asks how your folks are doing. Date the girl who waits with you for the bus. Date the girl who worries if got home safe tonight. Date the girl who kisses you in the nose. Date the girl who entwines her pinkie with yours in class. Date the girl who teases your back in a elevator full of people. Date the girl who grazes your tush right on the road in broad daylight. Date the girl who can’t lie to you. Date the girl who stays up till 3 in the morning when her usual bedtime is 10. Date the girl who bakes you a cake despite being tired after a long hard week. Date the girl who gives you her favourite song. Date the girl who writes poems about you. Date the girl who pushes you to be better. Date the girl who makes you grow. Date the girl who you can be yourself with. Date the girl who don’t have to think twice about what you say to. Date the girl who puts you first. Date the girl who tries to ease your pain, and soothes your anxieties. Date the girl who understands and accepts you and your irrational fears. Date the girl who holds you tight when you fall apart even though she’s breaking inside. Date the girl who fights to keep you in her life. Date the girl who waits around for you even after you destroyed her. Date the girl who still cares for you despite all the hurt. Date the girl who misses you. Date the girl who’d give anything to just talk to you again. Date the girl who loses sleep over you. Date the girl who’s always got you on her mind no matter how busy she might be. Date the girl who whispers your name when she’s breathless. Date the girl who longs for your arms when she’s sad or sick. Date the girl who wants you to be the first to know whenever something happens. Date the girl who reads. Date the girl who pays attention. Date the girl who loves you with everything she’s got.

Old Acquaintance

Excerpt from Robert Burns’ Auld Lang Syne

Should Old Acquaintance be forgot,
and never thought upon;
The flames of Love extinguished,
and fully past and gone:
Is thy sweet Heart now grown so cold,
that loving Breast of thine;
That thou canst never once reflect
On old long syne.

So couple of days back, I finally told Charming I love him. And he said that he didn’t feel the same way, that he never did. It was hard, considering earlier that day I’d gone to watch Bajrangi Bhaijaan with Fiona, and I cried way too much; a little bit was for the movie, but mostly I just couldn’t stop picturing how Charming would look like in that light. What he would look like when he turned on his left to me and smiled in that blue gray shirt of his, that he wore on the first day to class. I just couldn’t stop.

I thought things had changed … for the better, but I guess I was just seeing what I wanted to. I’m still trying to figure out what I should do. I know I still want to be friends with him, the same that we used to be, but in retrospect, I’m just afraid it’s going to end up all superficial, despite him saying we’d stay friends.

He tells me that he’d be friends if that’s what I want, or I could hate and curse him and stay away ’cause that’d make things easier. If only it were that easy.